Guardian Girl

Today’s outfit got me in a panic. None of my clothes fit me at the moment (something to do with clotted cream). I just cut my hair into an imitation mullet, which made the hairstyle really tricky to emulate. To be fair I made it all the way to work with my matted, badly coloured hair pinned on the front of my head in a sort of curly arrangement. But then I got to work (half an hour late because I’d been photographing the non-mullet all morning) and went straight to the loo to sort it out. If I’m going to succeed at this project I’ll need to take myself a bit less seriously I think, which is saying quite a lot.

Anyway it’s an utterly stupid outfit – the dress totally doesn’t work tucked into the jeans and the hair looks like a basin when I wear it up. The earrings are pretty close – lightning bolts instead of stars – although they’re one thing you can’t see in the photo. I’m not going to spend any more time on this post because it’s a boring one. The granny looks better than me. That’s all you need to know.

Cocktail dress

Cockfail dress

Still, the tampon machine adds a touch of wisdom and glamour.

Conclusion:

• My days of jeans-converse-t-shirt-ponytail-done are over. I need to plan these outfits the night before, or I’m for the sack
• Older ladies tend to be bonier, which makes them look chic. I don’t tend to be bonier
• You try for a mullet, you get a basin – how can this possibly work?