Guardian Girl

Is there anything to be gained from a moderate approach?

Unlikely, but we all have to give something new a go once in a while (or at least that is what ‘Cassandra’ told me in a Spanish bar in Florida five years ago). [??????????! CHRIST.]

That’s why I’m back to do the whole Weekend mag fashion shoot schtick, but this time without giving the Guardian control of my kitchen, my purse and my diary as well. Just the wardrobe, just the wardrobe.

I’ve tried this modified approach before and lost interest after a few days because it didn’t scratch the itch hard enough. It was all boring and un-all-encompassing, and what are you going to do with all those spare hours anyway if you’re not baking saffron cakes, re-rearranging your distressed knick-nacks and buying revolting, overpriced clothes and pretending to yourself you like them and pretending to yourself you don’t feel guilty and pretending to yourself this is a gallant and productive way of spending a lifetime?

Anyway at the moment I’m doing rather well without the towering triumvirate of Fearnley-Whittingstall, Cartner-Morley and Burkeman-Lepard dictating my every move but hell, I have to get dressed in something in the morning and heavens, it is fun writing all this down and looking at the photos all lined up next to each other, feeling as if something has been achieved.

So for an unspecified while, please find at this address daily-ish photo-bulletins with less quinoa and more chin.

I do realise it seems a bit non-committal to keep chopping and changing like this, doing the whole hog, then giving up, then starting again, then just doing the clothes, then saying this, then saying that. Consistency is, according to social media experts and other types of expert, supposed to be the first rule of blogging. If you don’t post regularly and let your reader/s know what to expect, they will all lose interest and then won’t buy your miracle hair-growth tonic after all because you might seem untrustworthy.

Well, let me clear this up right now by telling what to expect: jack sh*t.

Bonza. That’s $79.99 for the Follycreme please. Now we all know where we stand, here’s a photo.

PS having said that DO expect especially bad jokes for a while as they have to get out of the system before the good ones can emerge, a bit like having a colonic irrigation, which I’ve never had but somehow imagine might beget bit torrents of ropey, sputtering effluence before you pass a real shiner of a golden egg a few days later and feel the lady/tube/all fours embarrassment was worth it after all. Do you go on all fours for it?

Jumper

Munter

Don’t have many nice jumpers so it’s a stupid place to start really.

Also, cannot WIAT (yes, that’s right, WIAT) to get my new phone soon, with its new better camera, and with its lesser suggestiveness of poverty and negativity and doom and malignity, no exaggeration.

Conclusions

• People will actually trust you no matter what, as long as you have a bullet point at the end and don’t try to bullshit them.